"To me, I guess when I lost him, I was just so devastated. I didn't know if I could get back up again. But I feel like as time went on... I just felt like I had to do something. Even if that was fighting. For some of the things that happened to him. To fight to make something more positive out of it. That's all I had the energy to do." – Marianne Sinisi, Founder of Families United for Change
Marianne Sinisi with a picture of her late son Shawn
Photo credit: Nancy Andrews
There are too many families today who are devastated by the consequences of addiction and addiction loss, struggling with what to do and where to turn for help. In recent years, there has been a growing conversation about the role of family in the recovery process from substance use disorder. Traditional approaches like 'tough love' are being increasingly scrutinized for their effectiveness and humanity. Instead, a more compassionate, understanding, and supportive approach is gaining traction.
When families are devastated by addiction, the initial reaction might be to resort to tough love as a coping mechanism. Indeed, this has been a predominant familial strategy for decades. However, as time and research progresses, many family members are sharing a new approach.[1]
Many affected family members like Marianne Sinisi are experiencing profound pain, yet are bringing new voices of advocacy and support to the family recovery movement. Marianne founded Families United For Change (FUFC) after losing her son Shawn to what she describes as “at the hands of a faulted drug and alcohol recovery system.” She discovered that the process of finding help with recovery, even for family members, was overwhelming, exhausting, and disappointing.
She decided to start an advocacy organization and demand meaningful change. Today, her organization welcomes ideas, creativity, and involvement from anyone with a desire to help those in search of recovery, improved health, and life.
In a recent interview with author and recovery and mental health expert, Caroline Beidler, MSW, Marianne shares that her advocacy work on behalf of other family members and individuals in or seeking recovery gives her purpose today.
"[…] I think it does keep me alive. I think it benefits other people and it shows the world that they did matter. And the ones suffering today do matter. And if we would learn to treat people with some decency in substance use disorder, many people would come forward sooner and say they need help instead of being stigmatized, shamed, or afraid of the judicial system."
The stigma surrounding substance use disorder often prevents individuals from seeking help. By promoting a culture of decency and respect, families can play a pivotal role in encouraging their loved ones to seek the help they need. When people feel valued and understood, they are more likely to reach out for support rather than hiding in fear of judgment or legal repercussions.
"If we don't speak up for our children, then it's never gonna change."
Marianne Sinisi and other family recovery advocates show how advocacy is a powerful tool in changing the narrative around addiction. Families who speak up for their loved ones not only contribute to the fight against stigma but also push for systemic changes that can lead to better support and resources for those in recovery. By voicing their experiences and challenges, families can help reshape policies and societal attitudes towards addiction and recovery.
"Everybody needs somebody. And for sure you need somebody when you're struggling to get back up on your feet."
Recovery is not a solitary journey. It requires a robust support system, and families often play a central role in this network. Having someone to lean on during the challenging times of recovery can make a significant difference. Family recovery resources provide the necessary tools and guidance to help families support their loved ones effectively.
"I can't be that mother that's for him in the alley to die....You have to find a way to be able to live with whatever happens. How are you going to live with that the rest of your life? There are things that you can do."
Families often face incredibly tough decisions when dealing with addiction, including setting boundaries and learning what type of support their loved one needs. Balancing the need for boundaries with unconditional love and support can be heart-wrenching. However, there are strategies and resources available that can help families navigate these complex situations, ensuring they do not have to face them alone.
Organizations like Families United for Change and the newly formed Global Family Recovery Alliance are sharing research, tools, and strategies to support families.
The shift from a 'tough love' approach to a more compassionate and supportive model underscores the importance of family recovery resources. By treating those struggling with addiction with decency, advocating for change, providing unwavering support, and avoiding further shame, families can make a profound impact on the recovery journey. It’s time to embrace these principles and ensure that no one has to face the battle of addiction alone.
The Circle of Hope at Tuckahoe Park in Altoona is a space created for reflection and support for those affected by SUD by Families United for Change. The monument was a collaborative project between family members, friends, and an artist in 12+ years of recovery.
"Everybody needs somebody. And for sure you need somebody when you're struggling to get back up on your feet."
Learn more about how you can support Families United for Change here.
Listen to the full interview here.
Caroline Beidler, MSW is an author and recovery expert. Her latest book, You Are Not Your Trauma: Uproot Unhealthy Patterns, Heal the Family Tree address family trauma and recovery.
[1] Ackerman, D., & Becker, D. (2024, Feb 21). Is it time to abandon the ‘tough love’ approach to addiction? On Point. WBUR Radio. Retrieved from https://www.wbur.org/onpoint/2024/02/21/is-it-time-to-abandon-the-tough-love-approach-to-addiction.
Comments